Weird dream.... I don't know where I was, but there were fires everywhere. In front of me was a car on fire, further away to the right was a patch of something on the ground on fire.... then there's something else, a building maybe, to the far left on a slight elevation, plus another car or a similar sized object to the far right, all sprouting big flames. Somehow I had a fire hose in my hand, and water flowing out of it. So of course I started using it to try to put out the fires. There wasn't really a sense of panic, fortunately, but still there was a sense of urgency to stop all the burning (obviously). I try to divide equal amounts of time (and water) between the different problem areas, but probably ended up with more on the car and patch closest to me. There were other people around me, just hanging around and watching. My hand was getting tired because the hose was heavy and the water pressure was great so it was hard to control. But no one offered to help, not even for a short while so I could take a quick break. I think there were other fire hoses around too, but no one bothered to pick them up. I was a bit pissed, not just because people were not helping me, but also because they were not helping to put out the fires. These are not MY fires to put out, but I did it anyway. I know perhaps they are not THEIR fires to put out either, but... I don't know. They just stood around talking. Something about how they could do a better job than me, the way I was holding the hose was wrong.... etc. HELLO??!! Talk is CHEAP. If you can do a better job, why don't you just DO IT??

Anyway, I already have a phobia of fires in real life. So as you might expect, I didn't enjoy the dream very much. But if more people had helped to stomp out the fires, I would have felt much better....

... unleashed a weekend of hell. Not your fault, because you didn't know any better. But could have used some sympathy. "Sorry" not because anyone's to blame, but "sorry" because... just because... but nothing. I don't even think you understood what misery you caused. What nightmare you recreated. And how long it might take for me to heal again. Each time... it hurts. After so many times, it still hurts as deep as the first. Maybe even more so, as the barely healed wounds get reopened... you'd think I'd be used to it by now? But no. Can I bear to deal with this for the rest of my life? That's what I ask myself everytime the nightmare comes. Just as I thought I'm safe from it, it returns unexpectedly. This time, because of you. I didn't want to tell you, but I had to prevent it from happening again. If only you weren't so eager... to please? Doesn't matter now... I guess.... spilled milk... and blood...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHhhhhhhh AHHhhhhhhh Ahhhh ahhhh ahh a......